According to inside sources close to the Bavarian Illuminati, even Bat Boy of WEEKLY WORLD NEWS fame has expressed considerable skepticism of this headline and is imploring the Boulder Police Department to investigate the whereabouts of Donald J. Trump on the night of December 25, 1996. Cryptoscatology correspondents embedded in the BPD have reached out to Boulder's new police chief, Stephen Redfearn, for comments but as yet have received no response. During a Christmas Day press conference at Mar-a-lago, President Trump refused to deny Bat Boy's allegations, telling a Newsmax reporter, "Why are you listening to a creep and a loser like this Bat Boy? Why are we even still talking about this moron when the economy is through the roof?" Cryptoscatology.com will keep you updated as further information is made available. In other news, the ghost of Lyndon Baines Johnson has reportedly solved the cold case murder of John Fitzgerald Kennedy from 1963...
Tuesday, December 30, 2025
Cryptoscatology Cold Case Files: "Trump Will Solve JonBenet Murder!"
According to inside sources close to the Bavarian Illuminati, even Bat Boy of WEEKLY WORLD NEWS fame has expressed considerable skepticism of this headline and is imploring the Boulder Police Department to investigate the whereabouts of Donald J. Trump on the night of December 25, 1996. Cryptoscatology correspondents embedded in the BPD have reached out to Boulder's new police chief, Stephen Redfearn, for comments but as yet have received no response. During a Christmas Day press conference at Mar-a-lago, President Trump refused to deny Bat Boy's allegations, telling a Newsmax reporter, "Why are you listening to a creep and a loser like this Bat Boy? Why are we even still talking about this moron when the economy is through the roof?" Cryptoscatology.com will keep you updated as further information is made available. In other news, the ghost of Lyndon Baines Johnson has reportedly solved the cold case murder of John Fitzgerald Kennedy from 1963...
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