Investigation Alien

From John Anderson's 11-7-24 WASHINGTON POST article entitled "'Investigation Alien' Review: Extraterrestrial Extrapolations on Netflix":

George Knapp, the scrappy host of the six-part “Investigation Alien,” could be a false prophet, or a stealth evangelist, but his strong suit is a serious career in journalism—his Peabody and Edward R. Murrow awards, a lengthy tenure in Las Vegas TV news and a clinical approach to the evidence. He is not a crackpot, which is how the doubters—or the fearful—traditionally try to write off the true believers in other-than-Earthly life. Mr. Knapp has explored the subject long enough to be convinced that we are not alone in the universe, though he seems open to other explanations.

Visiting various locations around the world where inexplicable phenomena have been occurring for decades, Mr. Knapp and his cohort interview survivors of what they describe as UFO attacks (some dating back a considerable number of years); witnesses to unexplained objects darting through the sky and disappearing into the ocean (thus becoming USOs, or Unidentified Submerged Objects); and sources that would seem unimpeachable, if only because they are putting their professional reputations on the line.

To read the entire article, click HERE.

Investigation Alien | Official Trailer | Netflix

UFO MONTAGE

From Amanda Kooser's 11-14-24 FORBES article entitled: "Congressional UFO Hearing Features Eye-Opening UAP Claims":

There was a very X-Files vibe to a congressional hearing into unidentified anomalous phenomena on Wednesday. Witness testimony included eyebrow-raising claims about the existence of UAPs and alien technology on Earth. The hearing was focused on testimony with little substantive evidence behind some of the more extraordinary claims.

The House Oversight Committee joint subcommittee hearing was called “Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena: Exposing the Truth.” The hearing aimed “to further pull back the curtain on secret UAP research programs conducted by the United States government, and undisclosed findings they have yielded.” The four witnesses were retired U.S. Navy Rear Admiral Tim Gallaudet, former Department of Defense official Luis Elizondo, NASA UAP independent study team member Michael Gold and journalist Michael Shellenberger.

To read the entire article, click HERE.

From Kase Wickman's 11-14-24 VANITY FAIR article entitled "Lauren Boebert Told Congress She Is Worried About Space Aliens Operating From Underwater 'Bases'":

Colorado Republican Rep. Lauren Boebert is at it again. No, we don’t mean vaping and getting handsy in the audience of the touring production of a Broadway musical about ghosts who are up to no good—this time, at least. On Wednesday, Boebert put in an honest day’s work in D.C. questioning UFO experts about the existence of secret underwater alien bases and the veracity of “rumors that have come up to the Hill" about government experiments creating “hybrid” humans with enhanced capabilities.

To read the entire article, click HERE.

From the GUARDIAN'S 11-15-24 article entitled "Latest Pentagon Report Reveals Hundreds of New UFO Sightings":

The Pentagon’s latest report on UFOs has revealed hundreds of new sightings of unidentified and unexplained aerial phenomena but no indications suggesting an extraterrestrial origin.

The review includes hundreds of cases of misidentified balloons, birds and satellites as well as some that defy easy explanation, such as a near-miss between a commercial airliner and a mysterious object off the coast of New York.

While it isn’t likely to settle any debates over the existence of alien life, the report reflects heightened public interest in the topic and the government’s efforts to provide some answers. Its publication comes a day after House lawmakers called for greater government transparency during a hearing on unidentified anomalous phenomena, or UAPs – the government’s preferred term for UFOs.

To read the entire article, click HERE.

From Jeffrey Kluger's 11-15-24 TIME article entitled "Inside Capitol Hill’s Latest UFO Hearings":

What caused both the lawmakers and the witnesses at the hearing particular concern is not just the fact that the sightings keep occurring, but where they’re occurring—with a disproportionate share of them happening over military or other secure installations. Committee chairman Glenn Grothman (R-Wis.) put the question directly to Elizondo.

“I suppose, hypothetically, you could have incursions over just regular airports,” he said, “but is it obvious that these incursions are more likely over military facilities than over a random airport?”

“There is definitely enough data to suggest that there is some sort of relationship between sensitive U.S. military installations, also some of our nuclear equities, and some of our Department of Energy sites,” Elizondo answered. “This is not a new trend; this has been going on for decades and that information has been obfuscated, unfortunately, from folks like you in this committee, and I think that’s problematic.”

Elizondo was not the only witness to charge that the government is playing cute with what it knows or doesn’t know about the origin of UAPs. Retired rear admiral Tim Gallaudet was deployed off the east coast of the continental U.S. in Jan. 2015 when one of the cockpit videos that was declassified in 2020 was first captured. According to his testimony, he and a handful of other Naval officers received an email with the video attached—an email that vanished from all of their inboxes “without explanation” the next day. The anomalous object, he said, exhibited “flight and structural characteristics unlike anything in our arsenal.” For Gallaudet, the content of the video, not to mention its disappearance, served as “confirmation that UAPs are interacting with humanity.”

To read the entire article, click HERE.

PINOCCHIO ENDORSES THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK!

There I was, strolling past Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, just minding my own business, when this wooden street urchin named Pinocchio rushed up to me out of nowhere, tapped me on the shoulder, and said in a disturbingly high-pitched voice, "I want to help you promote your wonderful new book, THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK!" 

"Jesus Christ!" I said, recoiling from this moon-eyed, oversized marionette. After I got over my initial shock, I replied, "Uh, yeah, sure, kid. You can ride my coattails. Why the hell not?" 

So he handed me his personal copy of THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK and said, "Hold this up for the camera over there and smile really big for me!" 

"Camera?" I said. "What camera? What the fuck're you talking about, kid?" 

He used his bright white, comically large gloves to point out his personal photographer in the teeming crowd milling through Fantasyland. A human-sized mutant cricket named Jiminy held up a 1950s-style flash camera and snapped a photo of me with my arm around the kid's fragile, bony shoulders. Masking the horror I felt as I watched the spindly, multiple legs of this hideous insect operate the camera, I managed to approximate something resembling a rictus grin during the few moments it took to snap the picture.

Immediately after the dark deed had been completed, Pinocchio turned to me and said, "Oh, I dearly loved your new book simply because it has the word 'mother' in the title. I-I dream about mothers all the time." The words caught in his throat. "I never had a real mother, you see... unless you count the Blue Fairy."

"Blue Fairy?" I said. "What the fuck? Is that like Orange Sunshine? Are you high or something? What's wrong with you, kid?"

Tears brimming in his flying-saucer-sized eyes, Pinocchio held the book out to me with shaking hands and said, "M-may I have your autograph, sir?"

"What the hell?" I shouted. "I don't have time for that crap! You've served your purpose, kid. I don't need you anymore, you pathetic wooden gamin!" I gave him a violent push that knocked him over onto his ass. He clacked like a box of Lincoln Logs as his wooden butt hit the cobblestones. My book went flying into the watery canal surrounding nearby Storybook Land. 

Tears streamed down Pinocchio's whittled face as Jiminy reached down to help him to his feet. After I had walked away a few feet, I turned toward that multi-eyed, radioactive arthropod and said, "You better make sure you send that photo to my PA before midnight or I'll sic my lawyer on your invertebrate ass!" 

Just another day in the Happiest Place on Earth.

A Box O' Expectant Mothers!

Earlier today I received a box overbrimming with copies of my latest work of fiction (or is it fiction?), THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK. Yes, this long-rumored mystical grimoire is available for purchase at last. Support your local/nonlocal author! Every sale counts, my friends! To order a copy of THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK, visit Amazon by clicking HERE. Of course, if you'd prefer not to prop up a soulless multinational corporation, you can also buy the book directly from Madness Heart Press by clicking right HERE!!!

UNBOXING THE EXPECTANT MOTHER:

ADVANCE PRAISE FOR THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK...

"Robert Guffey’s The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is weirder than parthenogenesis, weirder than the Republican Party, weirder than the fetishizing of pregnancy that suffuses our culture, weirder than all the back issues of Weird Tales combined. You will laugh, gasp, and scratch your head in pleasurable bemusement. I can’t recommend this tongue-in-cheek tour de force too highly."

—JAMES MORROW, award-winning author of Only Begotten Daughter and Behold the Ape


"Here it is. THE perfect baby-shower/gender reveal party gift. Forget all the binkies, blankies, cute little onesies, and diaper-service subscriptions. Those are so overdone and boring. Want to make a REAL impact? This book. This book right here [...].

"Well-written, lively, engaging, easy to read, and tons of fun. If I were a truly evil imp with plenty of money, I’d sneak copies into every OB/GYN office and ‘Parenting and Family’ bookstore section in the country."

--CHRISTINE MORGAN, award-winning author of Spermjackers from Hell and Lakehouse Infernal 

 

________________________________________________________

The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is part novel, part fabulist encyclopedia. It’s academic research that’s shockingly close to the truth. The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is a cabinet of wonders disguised as an informational guide for expectant mothers. Backed up with scientific-sounding footnotes from imaginary obstetricians, this book threatens to raise the paranoia of postmodern motherhood to a new level of absurdity.

In the pages of this handbook you will learn about such chimerical illnesses as the Quantum Singularity Syndrome, Symmetrical Child Syndrome, Involuntary Dimensional Transits, Spontaneous Infant Combustion Syndrome, Black Hole Syndrome, Polyinfantalia, Shrinking Brain Syndrome, Muppetitis, Midwich Disease, and Oneirokyesis (known to some pediatricians as “Dream Baby Disease”). But fatal diseases are not the only purview of The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook. You’ll find out about the dangers of allowing your fetus in utero internet connection, how to use your child as an assassin, the growing problem of terrorism in the womb, in utero phone sex, the high weirdness of Origami Babies, the little known fact that Shakespeare created pregnancy, the mystery of the fetus-abducting Comprachicos, and a rare in-depth interview with Dracula about his attitudes regarding child raising, among many other illuminating tidbits of obscure but vital historical data.

Ultimately, this book is a scathing satire on the unthinking commercialization of motherhood, fatherhood, and procreation in general.

Election Déjà Vu

"Roratorio" in The Underdogs Rise Vol. 2

My latest story, "Roratorio" (8,600 words), has just been published in THE UNDERDOGS RISE VOL. 2, an all-new anthology of underdog-centric tales edited by J.R. Martin! Buy your copy right HERE!!!

The Underdogs Rise Vol. 2

Born to soar, cursed to walk.
A father's blessing, a son's burden.
How many deaths will it take to truly live again?

Underdog Press presents extraordinary tales where heroes come in all shapes and sizes.

Meet the dream weavers, the flawed champions, and the giant slayers who defy expectations. When the odds are stacked against them, these underdogs will rise, proving that every person has their moment to shine.

Forget cookie-cutter stories. Underdog Press delivers unique voices and unforgettable characters in tales you won't find anywhere else.

Thank you for being a reader who celebrates the power of the underdog!

This is their day. This is their fight.

CARL KOLCHAK VS. CRYPTOPOLIS!

As the sun set on Halloween night, intrepid reporter Carl Kolchak showed up on my doorstep to warn me that my recent collection, CRYPTOPOLIS & OTHER STORIES, had been inhabited by the spirit of an ancient demon known only as "Belphegor"! In order to destroy this iniquitous creature, every copy of CRYPTOPOLIS must be gathered together, bathed in holy water, and set on fire. Of course, to bring about this righteous conflagration, ALL the copies must be purchased first! To save the world, Kolchak is urging you to buy as many copies of this evil tome as soon as humanly possible! DIE, CRYPTOPOLIS, DIE!!!

 

 

At one point during Carl's visit, the anti-matter version of Alice in Wonderland ripped her way through a portal in time and space and tried to abscond with the book, but an ancient incantation uttered in Vulgate Latin solved that problem quickly enough.

 

After the grimoire was dispatched at last, Carl spent the rest of the evening battling other supernatural entities in Southern California. He wrestled with Mothman in a haunted laundry room located somewhere in East Long Beach.

On nearby First Street, Carl dived into the Case of the Cyclopean Skeletons.

 

 

Soon afterwards, the Case of the Newlywed Phantoms was brought to a swift but bloody conclusion.

 

 

In a particularly dangerous interlude, the disembodied head of Jeffrey Epstein attempted to perform unspeakable acts upon Carl, but decisive action involving a vial filled with sanctified holy water blessed by the ghost of Pope John Paul I took care of the infernal revenant soon enough.

 

After stalking the beast-filled streets of the city throughout All Hallows' Eve, Carl kicked up his heels in the haunted Reno Room Bar on East Broadway where he proceeded to exorcise the infamous Ghost Girl with the Bloody Hands, bringing his epic odyssey to a satisfying close.