Nonetheless, we saw the entire Q&A, which was quite
illuminating. I recall being impressed
by the fact that Reed’s knowledge of Edgar Allan Poe didn’t seem to be at all
superficial, which of course is exactly what you’d expect from almost any other
popular musician who had taken upon himself the daunting task of distilling the
essence of Poe into a series of rock 'n' roll songs. At one point he even commented on Poe having
presaged the Big Bang Theory in Eureka, the pre-Fortean
book of which only the most ardent Poe scholar is even aware. Reed seemed to have actually read the damn
thing from cover to cover. (I’m not even
sure Poe’s biographers have done that.) At one point, in answer to a question about his attitudes toward the
Bush administration’s apparent obsession with redneck-style End Times theology,
I recall Reed claiming he’d been thinking about that exact same issue during
the plane ride from New York to Los Angeles and as a
result had written a brand new country-western song called “Jesus Was a Jew.”
After the Q&A everyone in the audience lined up to meet
the great man himself. The line wrapped
around the building—needless to say, an anomaly at the UCLA Festival of Books. As Sharon and I approached Reed, I found
myself growing inexplicably nervous. I was
nowhere near that apprehensive while sharing an elevator ride with all four of
The Ramones in San Diego
in 1990, and yet here I was getting a tad jittery. I had planned to ask Reed a question about Little
Jimmy Scott, but by the time I reached the table I looked into his weird-ass
bulging eyeballs trapped behind those wraparound shades and drew a complete
blank. It was one of the few times in my
life when I found myself absolutely tongue-tied. My original question evacuated my brain, and
instead I heard myself uttering a complete non
sequitur: “Are you… aware… of the
work of Neil Gaiman?” I have absolutely
no idea why I said this. Perhaps because
Gaiman quotes Reed so much in his own work? I really don’t know to this day. Unfathomable. Just plain dumb. Anyway, there the question was, floating in
the air the two of us now shared, utterly irretrievable.
Reed just stared at me with those monstrous, compound eyes—they
seemed as if they were trying to escape Reed’s skull and leap through his
sunglasses—for quite a long time (or at least what seemed like a long time to
me) before finally responding with a snarl and a distinct hint of disgust in
his voice: “You mean that comic book
guy?” He said nothing more about the
subject. He signed my copy of Between Thought and Expression, slid it
toward me across the wooden table, and that was it.
I once told this story to Jack Womack (author of Random Acts of Senseless Violence and
many other brilliant books), who immediately responded: “Lou Reed is a weasel, and anecdotes like
that are why I’ll always love him.” Amen.
By the way, I once saw Lou Reed in concert. This was in 1988 during the New York
tour. The memory of Reed and Mike Rathke
engaged in a virtuoso two-way guitar duel that seemed to last for a quarter of
an hour during the middle of “The Original Wrapper” will forever be emblazoned
in my brain. Blessed Be, Lou—to both you
and your over-engorged, diseased liver, you son of a bitch.
Let’s fade out on “HALLOWEEN PARADE,” shall we?
Oh, one last note: According to Victor Bockris’ 1995 biography, Transformer, Lou Reed’s favorite comic book story of all time was “Foul
Play” by Al Feldstein and Jack Davis from the infamous 1950s EC horror comic
book, The Haunt of Fear. So, in honor of both Lou Reed and
Halloween, here it is—an encore performance of “Foul Play” by that
transgressive punk rock duo known as Feldtein & Davis….
Click HERE to read “Foul Play.”
Click HERE to listen to “Halloween Parade.”
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