Earlier today I received a box overbrimming with copies of my latest work of fiction (or is it fiction?), THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK. Yes, this long-rumored mystical grimoire is available for purchase at last. Support your local/nonlocal author! Every sale counts, my friends! To order a copy of THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK, visit Amazon by clicking HERE. Of course, if you'd prefer not to prop up a soulless multinational corporation, you can also buy the book directly from Madness Heart Press by clicking right HERE!!!
UNBOXING THE EXPECTANT MOTHER:
ADVANCE PRAISE FOR THE EXPECTANT MOTHER DISINFORMATION HANDBOOK...
"Robert Guffey’s The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is
weirder than parthenogenesis, weirder than the Republican Party,
weirder than the fetishizing of pregnancy that suffuses our culture,
weirder than all the back issues of Weird Tales combined. You
will laugh, gasp, and scratch your head in pleasurable bemusement. I
can’t recommend this tongue-in-cheek tour de force too highly."
—JAMES MORROW, award-winning author of Only Begotten Daughter and Behold the Ape
"Here it is. THE perfect baby-shower/gender reveal party gift. Forget all the binkies, blankies, cute little onesies, and diaper-service subscriptions. Those are so overdone and boring. Want to make a REAL impact? This book. This book right here [...].
—JAMES MORROW, award-winning author of Only Begotten Daughter and Behold the Ape
"Here it is. THE perfect baby-shower/gender reveal party gift. Forget all the binkies, blankies, cute little onesies, and diaper-service subscriptions. Those are so overdone and boring. Want to make a REAL impact? This book. This book right here [...].
"Well-written,
lively, engaging, easy to read, and tons of fun. If I were a truly evil
imp with plenty of money, I’d sneak copies into every OB/GYN office and
‘Parenting and Family’ bookstore section in the country."
--CHRISTINE MORGAN, award-winning author of Spermjackers from Hell and Lakehouse Infernal
--CHRISTINE MORGAN, award-winning author of Spermjackers from Hell and Lakehouse Infernal
________________________________________________________
The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is part novel, part fabulist encyclopedia. It’s academic research that’s shockingly close to the truth. The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is a cabinet of wonders disguised as an informational guide for expectant mothers. Backed up with scientific-sounding footnotes from imaginary obstetricians, this book threatens to raise the paranoia of postmodern motherhood to a new level of absurdity.
In the pages of this handbook you will learn about such chimerical illnesses as the Quantum Singularity Syndrome, Symmetrical Child Syndrome, Involuntary Dimensional Transits, Spontaneous Infant Combustion Syndrome, Black Hole Syndrome, Polyinfantalia, Shrinking Brain Syndrome, Muppetitis, Midwich Disease, and Oneirokyesis (known to some pediatricians as “Dream Baby Disease”). But fatal diseases are not the only purview of The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook. You’ll find out about the dangers of allowing your fetus in utero internet connection, how to use your child as an assassin, the growing problem of terrorism in the womb, in utero phone sex, the high weirdness of Origami Babies, the little known fact that Shakespeare created pregnancy, the mystery of the fetus-abducting Comprachicos, and a rare in-depth interview with Dracula about his attitudes regarding child raising, among many other illuminating tidbits of obscure but vital historical data.
Ultimately, this book is a scathing satire on the unthinking commercialization of motherhood, fatherhood, and procreation in general.
The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is part novel, part fabulist encyclopedia. It’s academic research that’s shockingly close to the truth. The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook is a cabinet of wonders disguised as an informational guide for expectant mothers. Backed up with scientific-sounding footnotes from imaginary obstetricians, this book threatens to raise the paranoia of postmodern motherhood to a new level of absurdity.
In the pages of this handbook you will learn about such chimerical illnesses as the Quantum Singularity Syndrome, Symmetrical Child Syndrome, Involuntary Dimensional Transits, Spontaneous Infant Combustion Syndrome, Black Hole Syndrome, Polyinfantalia, Shrinking Brain Syndrome, Muppetitis, Midwich Disease, and Oneirokyesis (known to some pediatricians as “Dream Baby Disease”). But fatal diseases are not the only purview of The Expectant Mother Disinformation Handbook. You’ll find out about the dangers of allowing your fetus in utero internet connection, how to use your child as an assassin, the growing problem of terrorism in the womb, in utero phone sex, the high weirdness of Origami Babies, the little known fact that Shakespeare created pregnancy, the mystery of the fetus-abducting Comprachicos, and a rare in-depth interview with Dracula about his attitudes regarding child raising, among many other illuminating tidbits of obscure but vital historical data.
Ultimately, this book is a scathing satire on the unthinking commercialization of motherhood, fatherhood, and procreation in general.
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