The Purity Culture Dropout Program

From Jessica Bateman's 6-17-25 GUARDIAN article entitled "These Evangelical Men Saved Sex for Marriage – They Weren’t Well Prepared":

Like many people, reaching the age of 40 inspired Matt to do some self-reflection. He had achieved many hallmarks of adulthood: a college degree, a career he enjoyed, and two beloved dogs. But he’d never had a relationship, or even a sexual partner.

This weighed heavy on him; he craved the experience of a deep romantic connection and wondered how it might feel to be in love.

Matt, who is using a pseudonym, grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household where sex and masturbation were considered sins. The only message he could ever remember hearing was that it would ruin his life and condemn him to hell.

Though he’d drifted from evangelicalism, sexual shame still clung to him. Around his birthday, he decided to experiment and bought a male sex toy. But after unwrapping the bulky plastic object and fumbling with it, he felt nothing.

“I felt so embarrassed and stupid,” he said. “I’m 40 and I don’t even know how to use this thing.”

Frustrated, he vented in a Facebook group for ex-evangelicals, ranting about how he’d never learned even the basics of sex. It struck a chord. With 30,000 members, the group regularly discusses sexuality and relationships. Members trade stories, comfort each other, and share resources – books, therapists, anything that might help.

One commenter recommended a private group: the Purity Culture Dropout Program, run by sex educator Erica Smith. It offers sex-ed lessons and a safe space for people to unpack fear, compare upbringings, and confront the shame they’ve internalized [...].

Sex therapist Jeremiah Gibson often quips that “you don’t need to have grown up in the church to be fucked over by the church”. Along with his partner Julia Postema, he specialises in working with couples who’ve left high-control religions. The pair also host a podcast, Sexvangelicals, with the tagline: “The sex education the church didn’t want you to have.”

Both were raised in fundamentalist traditions and married – then subsequently divorced – while young. They partly blame purity culture for those relationship breakdowns; none of them had the emotional tools to discuss the crucial components of a life lived together [...].

“Purity culture can really dehumanize both men and women,” added Postema. She says the men she works with are often stuck in a “double-bind” of being told God made them insatiable sexual creatures, but that they must also constantly fight this God-given nature...

To read Bateman's entire article, click HERE.